I remember that day like it happened yesterday, no matter what I do to forget. I’ve had my power cut multiple time because I forgot to pay, I had the money to pay but I’d just forgotten to. I can just about remember what I had for breakfast, yet I still remember that. I’ve gotten plastered beyond recognition and woke up in a ditch with my shirt missing and a complete lack of memory on how I ended there; yet that memory still stays.
Sometimes I wish I could just take my brain and carve out that memory and put it back. Anything to forget that, its too painful to remember.
“Yo Quinn, you want to smoke this J with me”
“I retract my statement that there is no such thing as a dumb question”
“Well, let’s got you little bitch”
Ashley was a tomboyish kinda gal. long brunette hair usually just brushed back. She always wore a grey hoodie with a logo too worn off to make it out. Baggy grey sweatpants and bags under her eyes.
She was rather popular, at school and would make friends ridiculously easy. I once saw her break up a fight and then befriended them both and now the guys that started the fight are best buds, crazy how she does it.
I on the other hand, I am a very introverted person, the only reason why I befriended Ashley is because she approached me first
I remember as a kid when my parents forced me to go outside to get some sun because I was spending too much time in my room when Ashley approached me.
Ashley was walking around the neighborhood looking for bugs when she saw me
“I don’t think I’ve ever metcha, what’s your name?”
“quinton”
“well howdy quin, name’s Ashley, wanna catch some bugs with me?”
“I’m good thank you”
“c’mon it’ll be fun, I’ll show ya’”
Ashely then pulled me by my arm and made me touch a spider
Still to this day I am deathly afraid of those horrid creatures.
Even so, I still befriended Ashley, she’s good like that, she’ll form your new lifelong fear, but you still befriend her.
As we grew, we grew closer and closer together. We would tell each other secrets and deep dark things.
I remember when Ashley and I were in that teenage horny phase and we would tell each other the stuff we liked and found attractive. I always had a secrete crush in her but I was always too afraid to tell ruin out friendship to tell her how I felt.
Ashley, to me was in a Schrodinger’s state. But to Ashley, It was probably not that difficult. Ashley knew what she wanted and when she wanted it, I respected that a lot since I had a really hard time making up my mind a lot of the time.
Of course, with the obvious “naughty” side of “everything” also a very dark side would come with it as well.
It was always interesting hanging out with Ashley so much, most people only got to see the flowery outside of Ashley, the side that befriended everybody. I on the other hand saw the Ashley that Ashley wanted to hide, the one that felt weak and lonely, the one that just wanted a shoulder to cry, the one that just wanted to feel happy. I met the Ashley that just wanted to forget about stuff and just be happy.
One day Ashley came to my house and came directly to my room, defeated. Ashley lived with what was basically a single dad, a deadbeat dad. Ashley’s mom worked in at an office job so she didn’t see her much, the one time when she saw her was when her dad was beating her mom.
When she opened the door, I was sitting at my desk. She walked over, raised one leg up and over my lap and slouched on me facing me. The reasons she gave me for coming over was that she just saw her dad knock out her mom.
Ashley would constantly tell me about the abuse his father did to her mom, she felt weak, useless, unhelpful as the only thing she could do was stand and watch
This time was different, she felt more defeated than usual. I tried to crack jokes, tell her soties, try all sorts of stuff that worked before but it wasn’t working
She got up and I got up with her
“I guess that I should get home”
“are you sure that you want to go right now, why don’t you spend the night”
“nahh,I’ll be fine, trust me. I really don’t want to be a bother”
“you’re not bothering me, I promise”
“still, I know that you got shit to do”
I reluctantly let her go but before she left she gave me a hug
“hey quinton, thanks for being her for me when no-one else was, thanks for being a shoulder I could cry on, sorry I couldn’t be there for you”
“what are you talking about, you are such a great person to be around”
“I guess, anyways, I have to go”
Ashley left that day with a frown on her face; I felt defeated. That night I think I might have gotten like two hours of sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I wondered what she was thinking, what she was doing, what was happening to her. That night I decided that I was going to tell her how I truly felt, before I regrated not doing it.
that school day was odd in general, she seemed much more shy, she behaved a lot like me but I didn’t really notice, nobody did.
She really didn’t talk much that day
“Ashley, are you ok”
“oh, hi quin! Yeah, I got even less sleep than I did last night”
“are you sure that everything is alright’
“as alright as it can be. Listen, I’ll be fine please don’t worry about it” she said with a tired smirk
Something felt off still but I didn’t want to pry bc I didn’t wan to hit a nerve.
The day after was a weekend so I had some time to think about it. I dug into my piggy bank and when to the store, tried to get her something nice.
I remember how much she liked bubble gum, she would always pull out a stick of it at the most random times, she never seemed to run out no matter how many people asked her for a stick.
I bought her a couple packs and some other stuff. I planned what I would say and I wrote it all down but the closer I got to her house, the more I forgot what I was going to tell her.
I made it back to her place and entered through the backdoor which was always unlocked. Her parents weren’t there as usual but I made my way to her room.
“Hey Ashley”
Opened the door and saw the new decorations Ashley had put up. She painted a huge crimson red flower behind her, like nothing I’ve ever seen. She was sleeping on her bed when I came in, laying next to her dad’s pet; a desert eagle .I didn’t want to disturb her slumber, but I don’t think I could’ve, she’s a very heavy sleeper.
I haven’t seen Ashley since then, I wonder what she’s thinking about, I wonder what she’s doing, I wonder what happened to her.
But even though I don’t see Ashley anymore, I still remember that day like it happened yesterday